Positive things about having a transgender husband

Transgender husband

People tend to forget that there are two people in a relationship and they both need help when one comes out as transgender.

As more and more men and women pluck the courage to come out as transgender and share their story, there is a snowball effect where this courage inspires others like them to finally reveal their true identity to the world.

As great as this direction that society is moving in is, the sad truth is the non-transitioning partner is neglected.

If the husband comes out to his wife as transgender and the wife leaves because she can’t handle the change, she is viewed as transphobic, selfish, and not an ally of the movement.

Simply put, that is unfair.

There are hardly any resources out there to help a wife deal with their transgender husband. Some therapists even have the attitude of ‘get on board or get out’ towards the wife.

So, in this article, let’s bring attention to some positive aspects you can focus on as the cis-gendered wife.

Your journey matters as much as your transitioning partner’s does

You may not have realised what the actual true problem is so allow me to spell it out for you; The issues faced by both the wife and the transitioning husband are due to the standards, roles, expectations, and rules imposed by society on all of us. This means it is neither the husband’s nor the wife’s fault that they have found themselves in such a predicament.

Really understand and take solace in that message. Blaming each other is not the way forward, and you both know it. Neither is imposing your own rules on how you expect the other person to behave during this time.

This article provides some positives for the non-transitioning partner to focus on, so let’s get into it.

This new future does not invalidate the past.

A common and understandable reaction is for the wife to be heartbroken because she can no longer have the future she dreamt about with her husband and that everything that happened in the past doesn’t matter anymore. The truth is all the memories that you created with your husband is still real. It doesn’t take away the fact that your husband loved you. The fond memories you made as a straight couple are still real and there for you to look back in happiness. What’s even better is your transgender partner still loves you and, more often than not, still wants to be with you, still loves you and they want to start their new life with you.

Society can’t dictate how you live anymore.

Society has had a chokehold on your partner till today and you are a source of strength your partner trusts to help break out of that chokehold.

You won’t be raising your kids alone.

Just because your partner has transitioned does not mean they will abandon their family. In fact, you now have someone to share the nurturing responsibilities that comes more naturally to a woman than a man.

The trans community is incredibly full of life and fun.

Transitioning is literally giving someone the chance to be reborn. This explains the vibrant and almost adolescent energy and happiness expressed by many who have or are in the process of transitioning. If you choose to remain in each other’s lives, going to trans specific events can be a great way to learn about the culture and meet new people in the same boat as you or your partner.

This will allow you to build a solid and supportive group of friends who will help both of you through the initial years of transitioning.

You don’t have to split up.

Moving forward, some couples choose to stay together because of their emotional love but can explore outside the marriage for sexual pleasure. This is an option to consider if your transitioned husband has gone through gender reassignment surgery. And you have no desire to be sexually active with a woman.

You have options.

On the other hand, this could be your opportunity to explore the realm of sexual fluidity yourself. You may open up a world inside you that you never knew existed.

One thing you cannot avoid is therapy. You and your partner will need to find a therapist(s) to attend to your individual and couple needs. Keep searching till you find the right therapist. Not all therapists are equipped to offer help to couples going through a gender transition.

Conclusion

As the wife of a transitioning husband, there is not nearly enough resources out there for you to refer to help you through this journey.

Your options are not limited to ‘sit and be quiet’ or ‘get on board or get divorced’.

There are many positives for you as the wife that people don’t talk about, Because there is still a feeling of shame attached to being in a trans relationship.

Therapy cannot be overlooked, but the points in this article will really help shift your perspective about your current situation.

Wishing you the best of luck on this new journey in life. And I hope you and your partner find the happiness you deserve.

Tags: transgender | gender transition

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